笑话故事

今天敲门，一个美女穿着睡衣开门，看了我一眼，说：“等下，换个衣服”。
啪，门关上了，过了十分钟，门开了。
尼玛，签个字需要换衣服么？再说了，换个衣服需要十分钟吗？美女，我就是一送快递的啊，至于吗？

一天，一哥们问我相机有什么用，我理所当然的回答：“还用说，照相用的。”
可那哥们说：“不，你看我儿子用相机干嘛，把同学的答案拍了后，慢慢抄！”

一个小男孩跑进警察局，对值班警察说：“快点，警察先生，大街上有人打我爸爸！”
警察马上跟男孩跑了出去，果然有两个男人在撕打。
“哪个是你爸爸？”警察问。
“我也不知道，他们正是为这事打起来的。”

屌丝决定向女神表白。
鼓起勇气把女神约到操场上，结果看到女神纯洁无瑕的面容，
一时鼓起的勇气烟消云散，结结巴巴的说：“我..我想...对...对你说，啊，呃，嗯，好好学习！”
女神噗嗤一笑，说：“你的意思不就是说天天想上吗？

一对结婚没多久的夫妻，一天老公出差去深圳，用住的酒店电话给老婆打完电话问候晚安后，准备出去潇洒。没多久，酒店电话响了“先生，需要特殊服务吗？”声音非常诱惑，正好不用出去找了，“好，叫个年轻漂亮的到我房间来”。后来听说那个男的出完差回家没多久就离婚了！……

昨天去kfc吃东西，发现手机没电，还好充电器随身带着，旁边正好有个小姑娘服务员在收拾桌子，我就问她，“你好，请问这里有电源么？”小姑娘笑着说“你好，我就是店员。”我当时就楞了，不过也反应过来是她理解错了。于是我解释说“哦，我是说那种可以插的电源”后来小姑娘脸红了，哭着走了。……

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and as……

The squad were having "visual training". one smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. the party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:"sexteen men and a sergeant, sir.""right; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?""he's not doing a……

I have been starstruck since i was a little girl, so i was delighted and practically speechless not long ago when i spotted the actor ernest borgnine walking in my direction on new york's fifth avenue. "why, you're ernest borgnine!" i managed to blurt out."yes," he said, nodding politely, "i know."从小时候起，我就一直被明星所深深吸引，因此不久以前当我在纽约第五大街上认出演员厄内斯特.波格尼向我迎面走过来时，我欣喜若狂，完……

A novice lion tamer was being interviewed. "i understand your father was also a lion tamer," the reporter queried."yes, he was," the man replied."do you actually put your head in the lion's mouth?""i did it only once," said the new tamer, "to look for dad."一位驯狮新手正在接受采访。“我知道你的父亲也是个驯狮手，”记者说。“他过去是。”那人回答说。“你真的把头伸进过狮子的嘴里吗？”“只有一次，”那位驯狮新手说，“为了找我爸爸。”……