笑话故事

回家吃饭，老妈问我：“好久没见你发朋友圈，是不是跟男友出了问题？”
我沮丧的点了点头：“上星期分手了。”
她对老爸说：“哈哈我赢了，一百块拿来。”

今天回家，妈妈就急着问我问我怎么和女友分手了，我语气沉重的和她说了我的悲惨经历后。
她语重心长的叹口气说：“你也不是什么好东西，我要是那个女的我也不跟你。”
我。。。

1、“长大” 这两个字连偏旁部首都没有，一看就很孤独。2、最浅薄的关系就是一件小事你没顺着他的心，他就忘记了你所有的好。3、打你脸的时候，不要问我为什么打你，因为我给你糖的时候，你从来不会说谢谢。4、你拒绝别人递过来的烟的时候，别人会说“不抽烟挺好的”。当你拒绝别人的酒时，你就是不给面子了。5、当你提出离职，领导都会劝你别走，不是因为你很重要，而是想争取一丢丢时间去找你的替代者。6、勇敢去闯小伙子们，万一你成功了，自己会很开心！即使你失败了，也能让别人开心。7、当今社会男女之间的主要矛盾在于：大多数男人都已经意识到自己的贫穷，而大多数女人却还没意识到自己是个丑货。8、过自己不想要的生活需要勇气，过自己想要的生活，不但需要勇气，你还得有能力。9、谁不是从一个心地善良的孩子被现实折磨成一个心机深重的疯子。10、A：“你说咱长这么大容易吗。”B：“说别人我不敢说，反正我是真不容易。”A：“可不是……

Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "please god," she said, "make naples the capital of italy. make naples the capital of italy."her mother interrupted and said. "julie, why do you want god to make naples the capital of italy?"and julie replyed, "because that's what i put in my geography exam!"朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝……

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his mum. share them with your sister, she said.so harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.cor! said his sister, if mum had given them to me i’d have given you the large one and had the small one myself.well, said harry, that’s what you’ve got, so what are you worrying about?妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一……

A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."一位先生去赴宴迟到了，匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴的说：“还不错，我坐在乳猪的旁边。”这时才发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视，他忙陪笑改口到……

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?""Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed fr……

In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in bec……

一日，小王在镇里买了两斤上好茶叶。提回家，老婆见了，问：“这叶子怎么吃呀？”小王：“这个简单，用开水烫了就可以吃了。”第二天，小王回到家，见老婆把茶叶都倒在锅里煮了。小王气急了，给了老婆两耳光。老婆一气之下，叫来了婆婆。婆婆喝了口茶，说道，怎么没放盐呀，难怪他打你。……

小两口正吵架，女方说男方不专一，是一个善变的人，男方极力否认。
邻居王先生忍不住了，敲开他家门，指着男方鼻子说：“我可以作证，你一直是个善变的贱人！”
小两口同时愣住了。王先生接着骂：“你倒是给我说说，这个月你都换了几次wifi密码了？！”